I struggle with leaning into my calling of writing and leading. Sometimes it's scary to know God really wants to use you. Fear then attacks (because of course it does) and the thoughts of “what will people think of me if I really put it all out there” start blowing bubbles in my mind. I don't have all of the answers. I mess up all of the time. I still wrestle with so many questions about God/Jesus/thewholething. I’ve always felt a bit paralyzed when trying to sum up my faith and life and all of that to other people. I don’t want to offend or get it wrong or be at a loss for an explanation. It’s messy. So to some extent, I’ve separated that part of my life to stay away from the messiness.
I’m done with that. Messiness is the point.
Walking through life with others is what we are called to do. Loving recklessly and fearlessly and putting our hearts out there without a filter is what we need. We are allowed to have doubts, fears, questions & the worst thing you can do is shove them to the bottom of your dry cleaning pile and never get to them. Let’s talk about the hard things, let’s have coffee and pour out all the real things that grip our life. Let’s help each other and build one another up. Let’s focus on more than our own orbit. Let’s stop pretending that everything is perfect. Let’s love well. Let’s talk about the celeb gossip and drink wine but also get to the core of our thoughts on heaven and hell. Why do we wait until something bad happens to look to God and start pleading? What specific gift do you bring to a group and how can you let that play out in your life? How do you find real peace – is this even possible? What voices are ruling your mind throughout the day? Why does anxiety overtake us?
Let’s talk about these things. Let’s stare into other people’s eyes instead of staring into our phones. Let’s walk this life together. Let’s be messy and ask the questions and search for answers.
For a long time I was stuck on everything working out perfectly. Thinking I had some responsibility to make sure I had control over everything I possibly could. I wasn’t good at laughing at myself. Overthinking was the automatic response to everything. A quiet uneasy was always around.